"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." –Psalm 147 : 3

We have arrived in the Philippines!!! 

Our official ministry started today! My team was one of four to stay back in Manilla where our debrief was held. We are staying at a center called YMC-lets just say its a school, orphanage, church, community builder, etc. All in one J They gave us many ministry options available that we could have a chance to do. Our team (team 12:18) decided that we were going to work with a lady named Minda and her community. We don't know exactly what this looks like right now, we just know that we want to impact her community and give them the love of Jesus. Children's programs, community worhsip, bible studies and feeding programs are a few things we would like to put into effect.  We went into the community today and got to know the people there. I mostly played with the children and talked to the women.  I loved watching the guys on our team, Matt and Caleb interact with the children. Most of the children do not have a father figure in their life. When they recieve attention from Matt and Caleb, their eyes light up and it is obvious that they crave male attention. 

 

 

 I felt as if I was really just trying to "soak it all in" today. As I was playing with the children I could not help but look around me and see the conditions these children were living in. It was just not a community like I have ever seen before. I kept trying to imagine myself growing up and living in a place like that. I always knew I had it good growing up in middle class America...but to have an experience like that takes it to a whole new level. You can hear all the stories you want and be told how bad other people have it compared to you...but until you experience it yourself...you really have no clue. Yet to see all the Joy and compassion everyone still has for one another touches me. They litereally have near to nothing but you would never know by their spirits. Even though my physical eyes see dirt, grime and despair...spritually, I see/feel Joy and compassion. We went back later in the day to distribue food. All of the kids came running with their bowls. As I scooped rice into each child's dish I just kept thinking please God help this food not to run out because I will not be able to turn anyone away. Thank the Lord we had just enough to feed those who came! I learned that they take food to that specific community every Monday, but it is ususally the only GOOD meal they get a week (except for the lucky few who go to school and get a meal there). I am a person who likes to eat...and who likes to eat good food and a lot of it. Not knowing where their next meal will come from or when it will be...WOW!!! I can not even imagine living like that.

Matt giving out

As soon as I walked into Murray Lodge I could feel a spiritual oppression weigh down on me right away. This was a foreign atmosphere for me. I could see the dirt and grime with my physical eyes and the hopelessness with my spiritual eyes.

Murray Lodge is a home that provides accommodation, care, support, and supervision for people with disibilities. The people who live there varry. Some are intellectually or physically disabled while others are recovering from alcohol dependency. Some are only there because they have become to old to live safely in their own home. I found it odd to have such a wide variety of people. One minute I could be talking to someone who seemed completely sane and the next moment with someone who lived in a fantasy world.

Let me introduce you to two men I had long conversations with.

The first man is Stewart.  He is a 52 year old man who has post war depression and epilepsy. His brother dropped him off there because he did not want to help take care of him. Mentally-Stewart seemed perfectly fine. Spiritually I felt like everything was alright as well. I felt like I could trust the stories he was telling me were true. So here is some of his story....

Stewart was born in Scotland and then moved to England. As a 16 year old, Stewart was very musically talented (which I got to witness as he played guitar for us). He worked for the Shakesphere theature in England and got to meet famous bands that came through to play there. He even got to use his guitar skills to play for Queen once. At age 24 he joined the Scottish army.  While in boot camp he was selected to be part of the Black Watch- A special forces unit that is the toughest of the tough. After the Vietnam war, Stewart and his black watch brigade went into Vietnam to rescue P.O.W.'s  In the process he has been shot 4 times. Once in the knee, ones in the side, once in the rear and one that grazed the top of his head. He said he has had to kill women and children and still has nightmares from it. He doesnt even remember how many men he has had to kill and has even killed a man with is bare hands ( by ripping out the other man's throat). They eventurally succeeded in saving 6 american  P.O.W.'s . He  got  to meet president Nixon and recieved a purple heart.  There was even a movie made about the rescue his brigade did called "Uncommon Valor." O and he has also got to fly those G-Force army planes that take off by lifting straight and go faster than the speed of sound. CRAZY. As I sat in amazement at this man's story he then started to talk about the effects it all had on him. He talked about his depression and post-war syndrome. The weight of not being able to talk to anyone about what he did or experienced becasue of the contract he signed with the Black Watch and the  CIA.  While in the army his wife cheated on him and then divorced him and tried to  take him for all his money. While in court, Stewart got custody of their twin children but at age 12 his X-wife kidnapped the kids and ran off. It was all too much for Stewart to handle and he resorted to drugs. At one point he overdosed and was pronounced dead for 4 hours. They were able to bring him back to life where he then remained in a coma for 16 days. After the incident, Stewart cut back on drugs and decided to look for his children. It took him 12 years to find them (they were then at age 24). They wanted nothing to do with him and said that he was a murderer from being in the war and killing so many people. They has also resorted to drugs and when he tired to father them and pursuade them to do otherwise they never spoke to him again. As he was telling this story you could tell that it still weighed very heavy on his heart and he even asked if we could not talk about that part anymore.  AMAZED??? I know I was when I heard his story. He was one of the most interesting men I have ever talked with. When talking about God he said that he is a believer and talks to God all the time. However, he has hopelessness and does not feel like he has any self-worth. He is also very alone and still hurting. 
                                            

                And then there is Adam. My talk with him was completely differnt than my conversation with Stewart. Adam lived in his own world. He believed himself to be a protector of aristocrats. He lives in a castle in Sydney and is only staying in the home for an "undercover" job that he is not aloud to tlak about. He is married to Marylin Monroe's sister, or Jennifer Aniston-depends on his story at the time. His son is the boy off the movie Richy Rich. He has flown George Bush around acting as his private pilot and will be a brittish prime minister when he turns 90. His family lives in England where they are all part of the royal family and have lots of money. When I asked him about the rings on his hands he annouced proudly that they were all for very important reasons. One was from President Obama, the other from prince william. The ring that said "ramones, NYC..Hey Ho Lets Go!" enabled him to get into the Amerian embassy.  While listening to all of Adam's outrageous, yet entertaining stories, I tried to figure out where this guy was coming home. I believe he legitimately believed himself and had put himself deep into a fantasy world. Lauren and I offered to help him clean his room. While folding and hanging up his clothes he asked if we wanted to see old pictures of him. He then pulled out a magazine and showed us pictures of "himself" on every page...playing golf and rugby, modeling, swimming, acting, dancing. Lauren and I had to avoid eye contact at times so we wouldnt laugh. We then asked him if he believed that Jesus died for him. After looking at his hands for a long time he said "Nope, not for me, but for others yea." We then told him well he did becasue he loves you and he died for me AND for you.  He looked puzzled and just started making up poems about the trees and clouds and how the holly spirit lived in the sky. Then he said how God gave him powers to reincarnate people just like Jacob and Joseph in the bible. When we tried to explain to him that God didnt give those powers to Jacob and Joseph he just looked even more puzzled. Even though we felt like sharing God with Adam was a hopeless cause, I hope it planted some sort of seed for him. 
                                               

                The conversations I had with these 2 men were like night and day but both were very enjoyable. Stewart and Adam do however have one thing in common, they NEED people to just listen to them. To treat them as human beings and sincerely care about their stories. Adam even asked why God sent us to him and thanked us for actually listening to him becasue he said most people just say he is crazy and walk away. Please continue to pray for both of these men, along with the other residents at Murray Lodge. That they are able to find hope and peace and love and Jesus.

   
Image this: You jump down into a cement ditch and crawl through a long, dark tunnel. Once through you come to another dark tunnel -except this one is filled with mud, rocks and scum up to your shins. There are HUGE spiders everywhere, who- knows-what creepy crawly critters in the water/gook you are standing in, and lizards running around.  Now you are given shovels, a wheelbarrow and a pick-ax and told that you are going to clear out EVERYTHING ---What do you do?

              A.) Run Away really fast

B              B.) Cry

C            C.) Look at the person like they are crazy

               D.)   sing merrily while you work away at it

As must as I wanted to do options A, B and C I chose to happily sing my way through it. The people of Mitchelton, Australia have been complaining about their waterways never being cleared out. They are supposed to prevent flooding, but with all the backed up mud it is not efficient. The government has not done anything to help the matter so our team decided to take it upon ourselves to get things done.

Now I am NOT a manual labor type of person. While my family would go outside to do yard/garden work I would alwasy stay inside and do house work. Although the job seemed impossible and the mud was never ending we began to shovel. And we continued to shovel and shovel and shovel and shovel some more. We broke up the monotony by singing, playing would you rather and asking each other ridiculous questions. It was a good team boding time. I got my first blister from shoveling (actually 3 of them).
      

 

      

I have had my share of struggles during the first 2 weeks we have been in New Zealand. First is homesickness. I have been trying to run away from my little town in Shippensburg, Pennyslvania for the past 3 years. I had finally learned to be content...I had a good job, some new friends, and a perfect boyfriend. As soon as I was satisfied, God asked me to abandon my life, pack everything into one bag and travel the world doing missions for a year. Dont get me wrong, traveling the world has its perks...seeing new landscapes, experiencing new cultures, creating new relationships...but ABANDONMENT is a hard thing to do, especially if your life had just begun to FINALLY fall in place.

I haven been batteling homesickness as it hits me in tidal waves. Sometimes I do great, other times I'm an emotional disaster...depends on the day or hour you ask me. The thought of being away for 10 more months is sometimes to much to bear. I have been doing A LOT better due to a lot of prayer and support from my group members. Besides, how blessed am I that God chose ME to be his hands and feet in 11 differnt countries!!

Now about that hands and feet of God thing...that is another struggle of mine. Sometimes I feel like I am not  as "gifted" as other christains.  I've never healed anyone, I'm not good at sermons (or even praying out loud for that matter), I dont have a lot of experience in prophecy and I've never even led anyone to Christ. During the Soul Survivor festival our group was working at one of the sermons talked about ability Vs. Availability.  Look at the people God used in the bible.

Noah was a drunk                                                                           Isaiah preached naked

Abraham was too old                                                                    Jonah ran from God

Isaac was a daydreamer                                                              Naomi was a widow

Jacob was a liar                                                                                                Job went bankrubt

Joseph was abused                                                                         John the Babtist ate bugs

Moses had a stuttering problem                                                               Peter denied Christ

Gideon was afraid                                                                           The disciples fell asleep while praying

Samson was a womanizer                                                           Martha worried about everything

Rahab was a prostitute                                                                 Zacchaeus was too small

Jeremiah and Timothy were too young                                  Paul was to religious

David was a murder and had an affair                                   The samaritan woman divorced more than once

Elijah was suicidal                                                                            Lazarus was dead

I realized "you know what, the same spirit that lived in Jesus Christ lives in ME and God can use me just as well as he can use anyone else." It is not about our perceived ability but about our availibility to God.  I have a calling and God WILL use me this year during the World Race. I will be part of the kingdom and a servant to God. I may not feel gifted but I AM and I know God will begin to reveal more to me as I continue this journey. It might not be an easy road and will be full of ups and downs but its the road God chose for me and I am willing to embrace that. I'm not going to look back but I"m going to look forward at what God has in store for me.